Tag: Debt Help Winnipeg

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Does Love Mean Never Having to Say You’re Sorry?

In the romantic and dramatic movie Love Story, Ali MacGraw’s character says, tearfully, to Ryan O’Neal’s character,

“I forgot my keys.”

To which he says, “Jenny, I’m sorry.”

Jenny, still tearfully but somewhat thoughtfully, says,

“No…love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

I, and about everyone else in the world [the film did garner 7 Academy Award nominations, winning one for Best Music – listen to the theme if you’re strong enough], went to see this movie: two beautiful upwardly-mobile young people, deeply in love, facing a tragedy.

The day I saw it had been a long hot one. I worked outside as a welder’s helper that summer. Sitting in the theatre for the 7pm showing all was well – cool AC, popcorn, soda. As the movie arched to its climax my eyes started to water. By the time Ali said her now-famous line I was in full-metal tears, just like her except I couldn’t see. Sand paper had replaced the inner layer of my eyelids, raking across my eyes. The hospital said I had exposed my cornea to the white-hot glare of the arc weld. It left little holes everywhere, a screen-like burnt pockmarking. Spent the next 2 days blindfolded.

As a manly-man then I was intent on explaining this event – hey, I wasn’t crying! I was injured! Lost that battle but that’s ok. It was just at the beginning of the era of the softer man, the more in-touch-with-his-feelings man, so it kind of worked out. But I digress.

While I was surely sorry for burning my eyes, that’s not the same as offending someone. My rather obscure point here is: No, love does not mean never saying you’re sorry. If fact, it can mean saying you’re sorry rather often. But how do you say you’re sorry properly?

I finally know. I took the first two courses towards the Mediation Skills Certificate*. According to this very worthwhile course there are two types of apologies: recovering from intentional actions, and recovering from unintentional ones.

Intentional actions are common when spouses start moving towards separation/ divorce. How common apologies are is another question. Why apologize? You meant to hurt, offend, agitate, win. Yeah well, good for you, enjoy. But even when separating, and certainly when trying to resolve your issues, knowing how to apologize properly is important. Here’s how it works.

You know you have caused offence and want to say you’re sorry. It will likely involve first listening to the offended person, the offendee as it were. You do need to know what the offendee is feeling – and lord help you if you defend your actions or try to blame or deflect. Just take it on the chin, calmly. Then say:

“Offendee, I am sorry for offending you by [name the exact action, be as specific as possible] and being disrespectful. I regret saying/doing that and will make a point to be more careful in the future.”

See what happened? Listen, express regret for the negative impact, name the action, commit to doing better in the future. What next? Most of us, after prostrating ourselves like this, belly all exposed, expect a response, a comforting ‘thank you’ or even a counter apology. Well don’t expect anything – that’ s called a conditional apology and it’s dangerous and a waste of time.

But if you receive a well-constructed sincere apology, remaining silent can be construed as an aggressive non-reply by the one apologizing. It can leave the apologist regretting the apology and it may lead to another incident.

‘But I don’t want to forgive him/her just yet; what he/she did was unacceptable.’ Ok maybe so, but silence is not golden at this point; besides, no one is asking you to forgive. A simple: ‘Thank you’, or ‘I appreciate you saying this’ will leave you both in a better state.

What about unintentional offences? You are separated. It’s your turn to pick up the kids but you left them standing in the school-yard for an hour. Unbeknownst to you, there was early dismissal. You should have known but you simply weren’t aware of it. Your ex was furious and let you know it. You did not intend it to happen so how do you apologize?

‘I’m so [I think this little word ‘so’ has big power] very sorry for leaving the kids stranded like that. I need you to know that I was unaware there was early dismissal. I should have known but simply didn’t. I regret that it interfered with your day, having to pick them. I will make a better effort to be more informed about the kids’ schedule in the future.

Review: Listen, express regret while naming the action, carefully indicate your positive intention, restate your regret, indicate a commitment to avoid it in the future. That second expression of regret is important because they have just heard you say that your intention was good and may start to re-experience the agitation your mistake caused. So re-apologize!

By now you are thinking, heck if I had known all this while we were together maybe we would still be together. Probably not, although learning a few conflict resolution strategies can help any relationships – at work, with friends and family. I am far from an expert, barely waking up to this stuff but as I learn more I’ll share my findings with you.

Loving and living means always having to learn how to clear up interpersonal conflicts; one of those skills is saying you are sorry; it comes with the territory.

Originally published by Fairway Divorce Solutions.

Divorce is a painful process and the traditional adversarial system can make a painful process even worse. Fairway Divorce Solutions® is changing the way divorce happens by providing families with a safe and comforting environment where they can make well-informed decisions. People leave The Fairway Process™ with A Clear Road to a New Life®. Our job is to bring you and your spouse to resolution. The traditional process of divorce is daunting, expensive and stressful. At Fairway we work with you every step of the way to avoid uncertainty, unnecessary conflict and expensive litigation. Working with both amicable and conflicted couples, Fairway has brought thousands of couples to resolution, helping them move on in a positive and productive way. Reduce cost, reduce stress, preserve assets and protect the kids — contact us today by calling (204) 414-9181 or visit us online at FairwayDivorce.com

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Budgeting for a Mortgage

When you are buying a home, it is important to know that you will be able to manage the payments on the mortgage. You will also have to secure a down payment amount, which is usually paid out of your own pocket without the help of a loan. While your budget may cover the monthly repayments on your mortgage, you also have to allow for future outgoings for things like starting a family, purchasing a car, or home improvements.

Although a higher down payment means handing over a large amount of cash, it will also greatly reduce the interest and insurance that you pay on your mortgage loan. Any payment under 20% of the total mortgage loan amount requires that you purchase default insurance, which will add thousands of dollars to the loan.

There are two main types of mortgage – open or closed payment. An open mortgage allows you more freedom to pay off higher amounts on your loan, but usually come with a higher interest rate. Closed mortgages require that you pay a fixed amount each month; however, you may have an allowance for making over payments. In the case of over payment allowances on closed mortgages; make sure to check your limits with the lender, as they can charge you penalties – known as repayment charges – running into thousands of dollars.

Each lender has their own terms for issuing mortgage loans. It is up to you to shop around and get the best option for you. Before you do, make sure that your credit report is clean and free of errors. You can order a copy of your credit report from a credit agency before you speak to lenders, giving you time to correct any errors or making payments on defaulted debts.

If you have forecast your budget wisely, you will know which mortgage suits you best. A good rule of thumb is to opt for an open type loan if you expect to make large frequent payments to bring down your loan cost quickly. If, on the other hand, you have a tighter budget where you will only be able to pay a fixed amount each year – opt for a closed type loan.

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Living as a Couple – Time for the Talk

Your relationship is going well, and you take the big step to move in together. However, reality soon comes crashing down. Before you know it, the honeymoon is over, and you’re disagreeing about every little aspect of your lives together.

One of the biggest sticking points for couples is finances. You may find that you each hold completely different views about the importance of budgeting, or when you do budget, you disagree on what is or is not a priority. These are the times that will try your relationship, but the good news is, you can get through it and reach an accord.

First of all, there is no way around it – you need to be honest with each other. Discuss all your assets and debts, so there are no unpleasant surprises. You then need to decide whether to share financial responsibilities and to what degree. One person may be bringing a lot more debt to the relationship, which is why it is important to have this conversation early in the relationship.

Make sure to discuss your individual credit history, too. Your ability to borrow as a couple will be greatly impacted by your past spending. Don’t panic if your partner has taken out a lot of credit in the past; this is your opportunity as a couple to explore options for getting to a place of financial stability. Talk about setting a budget and goals for clearing debt, and decide on a ratio of responsibility for that debt.

While it is important that both of you contribute financially to your budget and the paying off of debts, you should also play to your strengths. The person who is better at managing monthly bills should take care of that side of your finances; however, it is important that both people in the relationship share the overall responsibility of maintaining the budget.

Compromise and communication are key to a strong financial relationship so make sure you discuss and come to an agreement on where your money is going and when. A relationship takes work, but by having this honest conversation early on and staying on track with budgeting and spending, you may find that your relationship is stronger for it.

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New Year, New Start – Budget Bootcamp

New Year resolutions are hard to keep – in fact; did you know most are abandoned within the first two weeks of the year? The same is also true of first-time budgets; which is why we at Creditaid are offering a FREE 5-Day Back to Basics Budget Bootcamp.

Bootcamps are known to be hard work. In order to become a champ, you will have to challenge yourself and push yourself beyond your limits. Once you do though, you will see and feel the results of your hard work – which is why we like the concept of a Budget Bootcamp so much!

Over the span of one week, we will help you create a budget that will work for you and your lifestyle and provide you with all the tools and advice you need to get you on the right track and keep you there. The process is not complicated; you just need to put in the effort.

We understand that budgeting isn’t easy, so we will show you how to work with the money that you have while remaining realistic. There are no quick fixes or shortcuts, just sensible, effective ways to manage your money. The course lasts five days, and by signing up you will receive an email on each of those days which will take you through simple steps to set up and maintain your daily, weekly and monthly budgets.

The sign up process is easy; there is just one form to fill in and then we’ll send you the first part of the series. We do not ask for any personal information other than your name and email address so that we can send you your 5-Day Back to Basics Budget Bootcamp emails. Once you have received part one, you can begin to get your spending under control. This is your opportunity to have a new year with a new start so sign up now!

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Scared to Pick Up the Phone?

Do you panic every time the phone rings? At Creditaid, we help people take back control of their lives. Many of the people we have helped have been where you are today – too scared to answer the phone or check the mail when it is delivered, missing out on spending time with family or friends for fear of spending money that you don’t have. Life is too short to live in constant fear – it is time to take control, and start living your life again. Call to speak to one of our qualified counsellors who will walk you through each step of the way to becoming debt free – whenever you’re ready, just give us a call at 204-987-6890.

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Shopping for Christmas?

For many people, a Christmas shopping budget consists of whatever they can spare in the last months before the holiday. However, to have a truly magnificent Christmas, you really need to budget throughout the year. You will find the holiday season much less stressful, and you will find that you’re able to afford gifts that will bring a smile to everyone’s face. To help you stay within your budget this holiday season, here are a few simple tips:

Incorporate your spending into your monthly budget
By incorporating your Christmas spending into your monthly budget, you are essentially making that money untouchable. Treat it exactly as you would credit card fees; only instead of paying for past spending, you are paying for what you will spend in the future. Before long, your Christmas spending money will just become another part of your monthly budget.

Set aside a budget
Your Christmas budget is a little different than regular payments in that you will have to calculate what you need, given the time you have to save. Be realistic with your budget, and try to aim for saving enough to buy the items you need throughout the year. When you have spare cash that isn’t allocated to your budget, make a point of picking up cheaper items while you can afford to.

Allocate smartly
If you need to buy gifts for ten people, do not work under the assumption that each gift will cost the same. Gifts for smaller children do not cost as much as gifts for teenagers, for instance. Don’t forget that you will need to buy food and drink over the Christmas season, so make sure to incorporate those costs into your budget, too.

Give yourself plenty of time to do your research
There is no point blindly choosing an amount to save each month, only to find that you have woefully under-budgeted. Do your homework, before you sit down to work out your budget, and you will have a realistic monthly figure to aim for. Some clever detective work will help you determine what’s on everyone’s Christmas list.

Don’t forget to download our Holiday Gift Giving Planner to help you through the holiday season.

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Credit Card Debt Weighing You Down?

Are you afraid to check the mail for fear of seeing your credit card bills? Especially during this time of the year, we understand how credit card balances can be overwhelming. Give us a call and we will help you, every step of the way to becoming debt free.

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Christmas Shopping – Tips for Parents for Shopping on a Budget

Christmas is coming around, which means that plenty of parents are scrambling, trying to snatch up those last minute deals. If you are one of the millions of parents whose budget is stretched, don’t panic just yet. There is still time to save Christmas and start budgeting the right way for the year.

Ebay Best Buys – Ebay is a great site to find all your gifts. If you haven’t used the site before, here are a few insider tips to live by. Don’t jump on the first listed item that you see – shop around to see if other sellers have also listed the same item.  Look for sellers who have received great feedback and have verified status so you can take advantage of the best prices for quality items.

Free Shipping Prices – Remember, during the Christmas season big order outlets have a lot of stock to shift. Those items need to sell before the season’s end, so retailers will often offer free shipping as an incentive. Not only that, but you can search for free shipping coupons online for each of your favorite stores. If there are no coupons available, simply try searching “free shipping” on the site, or look for a filter that has free shipping listed as an option.

Family Christmas – Make time this Christmas for fun and games with your family. Break out the board games, watch some Christmas movies, or play your favorite Christmas songs. Sitting around the table together, sharing those special moments is worth a thousand gifts, but it won’t cost you a penny.

Prepare for Next Year – Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Plan your budget at the start of the New Year, but be realistic. Avoid buying gifts in the early part of the year, if you can. Kids go through phases; so what he liked this year may see a dramatic change by next Christmas. Regardless, the money that you budget should be considered untouchable for other expenditures.

Most of all, remember what Christmas gifting is really about – sharing, loving and appreciating what you already have. If you live it, your children will, too.

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Peg City Car Co-op. Fantastic Vehicle Alternative

Photo Credits: Peg City Co-Op

Do you wish you had access to a vehicle anytime you wanted but didn’t have to pay the monthly loan payment, insurance payment, gas and repairs? Imagine being able to drive a car anytime you needed one but also saving thousands a year on car costs? Peg City Car Co-op is here for you. This organization has 9 cars located in and around the downtown area waiting for you to pick and use anytime you need one. You pay a low hourly (plus kilometer) rate with no further charges- not even gas! They have 2 programs available for you to choose from depending on your expected car usage. One of these programs is accessible without a credit card. It’s perfect for anyone in a credit counseling program or someone without access to credit.

To learn more call 204-793-3912 or visit their website at www.pegcitycarcoop.ca.